something has been gnawing at me for the past month or so and i’ve felt an intense desire to create, either a comic or a book or something that i will inevitably give up on after 5 pages. i feel compelled not necessarily because there’s some story in me that’s trying to escape, but because i want to have something significant accomplished ten years from now. is that selfish? it seems egotistical to want to make your mark on the world in that kind of way. but maybe the real reason i criticize the notion is because i am afraid i won’t succeed if i attempt it
most of the movies you’ll see in your life you’ll only see once. you will just spend 90 minutes in the dark with it, yet probably still be able to have a conversation about it with a stranger ten years later. the time you spend with your favorite films, even ones you might watch every year or so, is also incredibly fleeting compared to the time in between visits, when the films live only in your head, turning around and around, assimilating and evolving. when we rewatch a film, we’re usually surprised to find scenes that are staged dramatically different from how we remember them… even scenes we don’t remember at all. we might be surprised to find the film is generally better now than we remember, or maybe worse. and yet that “wrong” memory of the movie, the clumsy, flickering impression of it that we’ve been replaying in our heads for years after our 90 minutes, the basic subjective essence of it, is the version we’ll spend the most time with. this is a very different thing from your favorite beatles song or a painting on your wall…. art that is intended for more regular, direct repeat consumption, art that does not exist primarily in memory.
Can’t tell if this is reassuring or threatening